Grumpy cat

Having been recently thrust into the dating scene again because of an unwillingness to sacrifice my morals and ignore the voice in my head telling me to run for my life (read: he was a deceitful jerk), I find myself happening upon some interesting observations. Listen up gents (and ladies for that matter), you might learn something (or at least be amused for the next few minutes).

  1. Text messaging is the devil. If you’re in the baby steps of dating, do not text that person repeatedly throughout the day. Because:
  • Do I care what you’re having for dinner? No.
  • Do you need you to know what I’m up to every moment of the day (chances are I’m either working my butt off or building something or have my arms full of animals or their poop)? No.
  • Do I want to talk to you on the way to work? No. I want to listen to news radio and music and sing at the top of my lungs and NOT get a ticket.
  • Do I want to say goodnight to you? No. I want to say goodnight to my kids. I want to spend my time tucking them in and giving the 10th hug in a row and helping them pick out which stuffed animal to sleep with. Don’t disturb that.
  1. Don’t post pictures of your children on dating websites. Sure it’s nice to show people that you’re good with children and how cute your pony-tailed daughter is. But it’s friggin dangerous! Haven’t you ever seen “To Catch a Predator?” Take the advice of this criminologist/journalist/mother. DON’T.
  2. Contrary to popular thought, women don’t need a long-winded version of you telling us that you’re not attracted to us. Leave that part out. Just say you don’t want to go out again. Period. We’ll understand the subtext.
  3. Don’t stalk people online. Definitely do NOT Facebook friend someone you haven’t met in real life yet. It’s creepy. Plus it makes #3 that much more difficult. See also: #2.
  4. Don’t call us “girls.” We are women. We haven’t been girls since the day we turned 18, according to A) All woman everywhere B)AP Style and C) Gloria Steinem. How’d you like it if we called you a “boy”? You wouldn’t.
  5. Don’t be afraid to be your own person. Embrace it.grumpy cat2